The Floating Head of Salvador Dalí presents:

Guest art by Barrett Bodine, illustrator and co-author of The Brothers Poorley
Also with: Strange Tales by Ian Poorley

Oh, and here's some Mental Health
Hi. I'm Ian, and I'm a non-writer.
[Everyone in chorus: Hi, Ian!]
I've been clean for just a couple of weeks, now, for about the hundredth time. I have plenty of practice with the beginning part by now...you know, writing a little every day at first, starting to feel some confidence again, and then...just, well, I don't know what happens. I guess something comes up, or I just tell myself how nice it would be to have just a little break, like somehow I've earned it,  like as though it were the kind of thing that even can be earned.
[A few knowing, rueful chuckles come from the audience.]
It's just now occurring to me, standing up here and running my mouth, that that's got to be a big part of it. Of the addiction, I mean. It's like, fundamentally disconnected, somehow, in my head. The idea that of course I want the results, I want to have written the ideas, stories, and all that...but that I still, after so many attempts and failures, have not as yet convinced myself that staying clean through daily writing is a part of that.
Or really, since that wasn't quite what I meant, that writing every day is really its own one-day-at-a-time reward and not a punishment at all, which is what my diseased, non-writer will wants me to believe. My broken worldview has it backwards; it tells me that the process is a punishment and that the real punishment, "taking a break", is the reward. 
And somehow, somewhere in my past I let that take root and become this sense of entitlement, believing I'm a writer just because I've written some alright stuff before, or just because I tell myself I could write if I quote-unquote felt like it. But the truth is, I'm a non-writer in recovery. Every day I manage to create something is a little miracle, and I don't care how cheesy that sounds. 
Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble on. Who knows if I would be here today without your support, but I'm glad I don't have to know. Alright, that's it from me. Thanks.

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