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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 16

Mental Health
“There’s no such thing as luck!” he shouted to the rapt audience.
“Then what is it you just ran out of?” asked the panting security guard, as he grabbed the nude intruder’s arm and wrestled him to the ground.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 14

 Mental Health
The thousands of crushed mosquitoes littering the room looked like pterodactyl fossils in miniature, limbs and wings splayed against the grungy strata of wall, desk, and chair.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 13

Mental Health
Fool me once, shame on me/
Fool me twice, and I guess we’ll see/
Who has the matches and the gasoline

Friday, September 26, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 12

Mental Health
Robert woke grudgingly. Daylight crept over him like a golden steamroller in neutral on a gentle slope.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 11

Mental Health
Milton Rupert’s life’s work was finally complete: he had painstakingly and lovingly converted all of Shakespeare’s plays into limerick meter.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 10

Mental Health
If there’s a renegade scientist out there who could bring about the extinction of mosquitoes, maybe we should get a kickstarter going.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 9

Mental Health
Filling out his online dating profile, Wesley Mandrake didn’t know what to put first: ‘Editor at the Journal for Contemporary Anachronisms’ or ‘Turtleneck safety tester’.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 8

Mental Health
INTERVIEWER: Can you tell me about the best dream you’ve ever had?
SUBJECT: Well, this one I’m in now is certainly a top contender.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 7

Mental Health
If I had an extra pair of arms, I’d use them to plug my ears any time you were around. Actually, any time I wasn’t using headphones.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 5

Some GUY sits and looks sad. LOBSTERMAN approaches.

LOBSTERMAN: Hey, cheer up; maybe there are people out there who care about you. Who are thinking about you right now and wishing you well, wherever you are.

LOBSTERMAN puts a claw on the GUY's shoulder.


LOBSTERMAN: Or maybe I got them first.

[There was a bad photo of a picture of this, but it refuses to not be sideways. Apologies.]

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 4

Mental Health
"Is it possible to be extradited for manslaughter? Even if it looks involuntary?"
A muffled, terse reply came through on the other line.
"No, of course not. I'm...asking for a friend."

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 3

Mental Health
If you're ever face to face with a horrifying monster, look over its shoulder and shout, "Holy crap, monster, look out!" Then even if there's nothing there, you can act like it was an even more horrifying monster and it ran away because you pointed it out. And that's a good way to make friends with a horrifying monster.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 2

Mental Health
No man can send me two emails at once, for either I will read the one, and forget the other, or I will respond to one, and ignore the other. Ye cannot serve your agenda and fill my inbox.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Overtime in Wallis, day 1

I extended my stay in Wallis by almost 3 weeks, and now I don't have enough drawings in reserve to auto-post in my absence. Since I have no scanner here, there'll be some bad photos (as below) and some text-only Mental Health. But there will be an attempt to be funny for every day. That's the Crustacean Singles guarantee, until I don't feel like it anymore.