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2023-02-28

So tired

 

A bird perches on a stool and delivers standup comedy into a microphone on a stand: "I just flew in from Newark, and boy are my wings tired! / I am very out of shape, folks."

"I try explaining to my agent that I'm non-migratory, but she's an arctic tern..."

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2023-02-27

Glaring out

 

A face is shown in closeup, with the chin outside the bottom of the frame and the forehead obscured by the top caption, which reads, "If the eyes are the windows of the soul, my soul is glaring out & muttering in disapproval." The face's mouth frowns. The eyes each contain a stick figure; the one in the right eye is looking out through binoculars and frowning, while the one in the left eye has lowered its binoculars and is visibly perturbed. In the background behind and to the sides of the main head is a stream of illegible grumbling.

I know what I've seen, and I don't like it one bit.

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2023-02-26

Please don't

A person seated at a table addresses a nervous-looking waiter: "Please don't politely ask me to leave. / I'll go, but only if *you* make a scene."

I just think it would be nice to be on the other end of things for once.

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2023-02-25

How

 

Person 1, cheerfully: How would you like to do something fun? Person 2, despondently: I have tried my best, but I cannot imagine a way.

Haha question words can be ambiguous. Haha depression.

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2023-02-24

Smelt it, dealt it, etc.

   This is a departure from the typical format, and also much sloppier. My drawing hand and my drawing brain won't cooperate to improve the linework, much less add color. They hope to be back in better form tomorrow.
   As for the subject, some explanation is in order: after a reader correctly predicted yesterday's comic a day in advance, I asked whether they knew what I'd post today and if so, whether they'd mind telling me. Their answer: "a clever multi-point deconstruction of the statistical assumptions posed by the Fermi Paradox, all implied allegorically by a pun about farts". Pretty close, huh?
   For best results, please imagine a very gaseous nebula revealed in panel 3's zoom out.
Panel 1 of 3: A large telescope on a mountain. A speech bubble comes from inside: "A whole universe out there—" Panel 2 of 3: inside the telescope facility, two astronomers are seen working. One replies to the first panel: "—and so you're saying, what, you'd think we'd've smelt it by now—" and the other, who spoke in the first panel, says, "—if there was someone to have dealt it. Yeah." Panel 3 of 3: back to the exterior shot, but zoomed out. The conversation continues: "Well, perhaps they have some kind of stealth tech. Some kind of 'great filter'." / "Seems more likely that every species just hits a point where it dutch ovens itself to death." END

 
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2023-02-23

Destined to become an all-time holiday classic!

 

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2023-02-22

Now what?

Línjì Yìxuán taught, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." 

This informative pamphlet takes it from there.

Against a background of dramatic stone formations and a pass between them, a hand holds a pamphlet: "So you've killed the Buddha / Now what?". Depicted on the cover below the title is a Bodhi tree with a glowing outline in the shape of the meditating Buddha.

 

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2023-02-21

every raging counts, no matter how tiny and odd

 

Top caption: "There are lots of ways to rage against the dying of the light." A stick figure with an intense expression holds a plate of waffles high and says, "I made experimental waffles. If you eat some with me, I think that counts too." A little arrow points at the figure's face and says, ""Bring your rage face".

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2023-02-20

and I will dwell in a golden hall of silence

 

Person 1: How come we never talk anymore? Person 2: I'm trying to treat others the way I want to be treated.

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2023-02-19

On this island, we take turns

 

A castaway stick figure holds a large conch shell and shouts, "I have the speaking shell! It's my turn!" A large hermit crab emerges from the shell and says, "Actually, I think it's mine."

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2023-02-18

I count

 

A stick figure holds a mixing bowl and stirs seven times. "Nothing bad will happen to me *because* I don't do things the correct number of times. / The bad things will happen to me anyway. / Might as well let my brain enjoy its prime numbers."

I can make this joke because it is also the truth.

I feel like I should add the caveat that my obsessive-compulsive thing with numbers is currently not significantly interfering with my life...but I'm definitely keeping an eye on it, because I know that won't necessarily always be the case. YMMV.

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2023-02-17

The Quid Pro Quo Tree

 

A child looks up into the branches of a tree resembling the titular Giving Tree from the Shel Silverstein book of the same name. The tree says, "Apples and sticks are one thing, kid. If you want more than that, *you're* going to have to do something for *me*."

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2023-02-16

Every beverage will taste of victory

A stick figure proudly holds up a trophy (the pedestal bears the inscription "most adequate") and says, "This is the first trophy I have ever won. I will drink all liquids from this vessel from now on. Thank you."

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2023-02-15

What is the deal

 What is the deal with observational comedy?

A stick figure holds a microphone while delivering a standup comedy routine: "I wish to remark upon an incongruity I have observed between the impressive feat of aviation and the typical experience of air travel." [raucous laughter] "For example, alimentation available to passengers..."

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2023-02-14

CHOMP

 Just a couple re-runs for you, on account of the kind of day that I am having.

Pictured: a set of human teeth in gums or, possibly, a set of dentures. "I chewse (pronounced like 'choose' but spelled like 'chew') you."

Panel 1 of 2: Vincent Van Gogh, or a stick figure who looks like him, presents an open box, the contents of which are unseen because of the angle, to another person and says, "I got you something!" She looks annoyed and asks, "Did you seriously cut off your ear as a gift to me?" Panel 2 of 2: Closeup of Vincent's face as he says, "Relax! It's *an* ear. Not *my* ear."


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2023-02-13

The love must be contained

 

Panel 1 of 2: A stick figure gestures at their chest and says, "My heart could not contain all my love for you." Panel 2 of 2: A more complete view of the same stick figure reveals that they're holding a paper sack with a dark red stain all along the bottom. "So I got some more."

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2023-02-12

Smile

 

Panel 1 of 3: a stick figure walks past a building's wall, upon which is mounted a security camera and a sign reading "Smile / you're on camera". Panel 2 of 3: The stick figure looks up into the camera and smiles with a horrifyingly widened mouth full of sharp teeth, plus eyes that draw closer together and sink into the skull. The figure also waves and says "hi". Panel 3 of 3: The sign has been amended to read "Please don't smile at the camera".

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2023-02-11

I would like to feel cool

 

A stick figure stands with arms folded and a cocky grin. A large spike has pierced their skull and is lodged there. The figure says, "It doesn't feel *good*. It feels *cool*."

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2023-02-10

The woods

 

The antlered quadrupedal creature with a smiling stick figure face is back, drawn in pen with digital watercolor, and saying, "You will meet good fortune in these woods. Not because of anything I did. The woods just like you!"

Are you just trying to get me to spend big at the gift shop? Because it's not not working.

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2023-02-09

Cow techniques

 

A series of three images show cow arms demonstrating the use of various cow tools, with movement arrows and hoof-based writing resembling cuneiform. Caption in English: "Cow techniques."

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2023-02-08

Have you seen this dog?

 

A sign taped to a utility pole reads: "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DOG? (IN YOUR OWN YARD?) [illustration of a dog with a speech bubble] 'I bark & howl day & night, but I'm not a bad dog. I just have a negligent, inconsiderate owner!' Take responsibility for your anımal and be a decent neighbor. Please? Contact me if you know who the problem is." (and then the bottom of the sheet of paper is cut into tear-off tabs with an illegible phone number)
 

Today's comic is brought to you by: at least three different terrible neighbors!

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2023-02-07

Forest passage

 

A strange, antlered quadruped with the face of a human stick figure stands at the start of a path into a dark forest and says, "You may pass through this forest as you wish,but know this: the only way out is through the gift shop."
 

I doodled this little fella a few days ago & have been troubled ever since. Now I pass the mild curse along to you.

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2023-02-06

Study fort

 

Hurry! Already the barbarians are pounding at the library gates!

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2023-02-05

We shouldn't rule out the possibility

 

A child stares at an adult with an octopus-like body and asks, "Hey, mister, why do you look like that?" The adult replies, "I don't know. Maybe something is wrong with your eyes."

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2023-02-04

For real for real

 

A bird flies low over the heads of two similar birds on the ground. The flying bird calls, "twoot twoot". One of the birds on the ground says, "Young people are incomprehensible."

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2023-02-03

You can tell me anything

 

In a red rock desert landscape at night, one stick figure leans against another. The other says, "You can tell me anything. / But you can't tell me everything. There aren't even words for lot of it."

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2023-02-02

Dungeon time

 

Such is life when you are caught stealing the king's lasagna.

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2023-02-01

Concerns about AI

 A smiling stick figure wearing a tie leans partway into a doorway at the far end of a room. In the foreground, another stick figure hunches over a desk strewn with papers upon which the following sketches are visible: "improbably large bird" with a bird twice the size of a house), "I like band (obscure)" with smug stick figure, "Predicament? oh. bad." with poorly drawn cat, "Cow techniques" with cow legs and a cow tool visible (the rest obscured by a speech bubble), "the real reason snakes went extinct" with a snake smoking a cigarette, and "Imaginary friend?" "No u" as an exchange between two scrawled figures. The person at the doorway says, "We're going to replace you with AI." The person at the desk replies, "Don't force those poor computers to make comics. No one should do what I do."

Check out the full size image here.
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