Reversal of fortune

Mental Health I
No one will ever expect much of you, and you will not fail to meet their expectations. 
You will never fall out of an airplane you don't deserve to fall out of.
The poison will not show up in your postmortem toxicology report.
You will never find love at the bottom of a fast food restaurant playground's ball pit. You may be prosecuted for looking for it, there, though.
You'll never pull off broad, horizontal stripes, dear. It's time to give up on those. 

Mental Health II
So you'd prefer more of a classic fortune, eh? Hold out your hand. Hmm...your other hand. Your right hand isn't interesting to the beings of the astral realm, no. I'm sorry to have to tell you that.
Well. I can see...a lack of interpersonal skills. A certain gullibility. A predilection for poor hygiene, too, yes. The spirits counsel you to avoid responsibilities-- that way lies danger.

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