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Thursday, February 27, 2014

The dreaded return


Houston, is there a way to delete an entire phone? Just curious.

Did they not even listen to the part where the answering machine says I'm in space?

Saturday, February 22, 2014

I didn't mean to deceive you


Mental Health
"At first, I didn't mean to deceive you," the compulsive liar claimed. "But failing that, I never intended to be caught deceiving you."
Unfortunately, I couldn't take the liar's word for it, but if this was the lie, what would the truth end up being?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

My ticket off this rock


This is why I want to be a dad; I'm too lazy to build my own space ship, but hopefully I'll be able to buy my way on with a few sandwiches.

Monday, February 10, 2014

A reasonable defense

Mental Health
Melvin Velvet had a voice like butter mere milliseconds away from melting. Unfortunately, a steady series of reversals, bad fortune and court orders meant the only way he could now use it was in car dealership radio commercials.

Friday, February 7, 2014

A battle of wills

Mental Health
Each silent warrior applied a straining ear to the quiet of the room, and struggled not to break it. One felt a drop of sweat threatening to drip,  but at the last moment managed to extend a single finger and catch it before it fell to the table. They stared into each others' eyes, daring the other to cough or scratch or stretch or even breathe. But both held strong, perfectly matched and determined to win.
The quiet contest raged silently on.

And then there's this currently-relevant re-run:

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Explaining my productivity

The overlapping section, it turns out, covers tasks such as the basic motions required for me to not die, such as breathing.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Ghastly rasping


Speaking of people breathing loudly, here's a Mental Health from back in the day. For best results, read aloud:
They hushed harsh whispers as they passed the ghastly rasping of their crashed-out uncle's flask-filled bunkbed.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Throwback...Saturday?

A Mental Health entry from the archives:

28 March 2010
The kidnappers had not been unkind, and even then, blindfolded and hogtied in the back of an unmarked white van, William Stonecutter couldn't help but excitedly say to himself, "I wonder where we're going?" In spite of the gentle pistol whipping, he suspected it might be a surprise party.

And here's a drawing from even longer ago (2007):