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Sunday, May 31, 2015

The geometry of parting ways


"No, wait...actually, um, could you come back and storm off again? Only slower. I want to cherish this moment."

Thursday, May 28, 2015

The perils of caring

Mental Health, in continuation of the above
"So...when you say 'terminal' disappointment, you mean this will eventually kill me, right?"
—"No, that's the worst part. It won't kill you, just the people who care enough about you to be disappointed by everything about you."
"This is going to be very disappointing news for my mother."

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Freedom to be


Mental Health
"So you see, the dating profile you read was true...from a certain point of view."

Monday, May 25, 2015

Lighting a fire or filling a bucket


And then, if I'm still in the mood after that, take me to the most terrible diseases. I need to know about all of them.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Saving for later


Mental Health
The benevolent extraterrestrials had watched for long enough, and they swooped in on the dark side of the planet, selected a few representative specimens, and sealed them in preservation tubes for the intergalactic seed bank. You couldn't just leave a species like this to its own devices and hope they'd still be around in a hundred thousand years to reach evolutionary maturity.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Interested in you


Mental Health
"Look, you're a very fascinating subject-- almost luridly so-- and I would love to study you...but right now, I already have a research project going and it wouldn't be fair to either of you to try to take on both at once."
...
 "I promise I'll look you up when I'm looking for my next project."

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Still alive

I guess this should have been a mental health, but then I wouldn't have had anything to draw.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The official diagnosis


Mental Health
I mean, I guess you can name your band L.E.D. Zeppelin. But people might get upset when they realize it isn't even an electronica cover band, but just your bizarre recordings of ambient waves and walrus mating calls.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Disunderstandings


There was going to be a punchline, something like,
"I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it, man. All I've been saying is that I think raisins and chocolate chips go well together in cookies."
But then, by that point, I was tired of holding a pen and moving it around on paper.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Unicorns are people, too

This is obviously just a weird doodle, but in the middle of the night I found it really compelling for reasons I could not articulate then and cannot articulate now. But I know this: unicorns are people, too.


Saturday, May 9, 2015

A rattling from the vents

Mental Health
A rattling from the vents sounded. A few thuds. After a long, tense silence, the pest control worker heard a territorial hooting, and around the bend came the troop of angry duct apes.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

I'll be so proud

Mental Health
I just want what every morally ambiguous, slightly deranged scientist wants for their clones: for them to have a better life. And that includes coming up with their own schemes and keeping their noses out of mine.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Unrealistic standards of beauty


Mental Health
Florence died, became a ghost, and largely accepted this new state of things.Well, except that it wasn't long before she was hanging out with other ghosts and reading ghost magazines and watching ghost daytime TV. And try as she might to ignore it, Florence couldn't help but notice: although she wasn't opaque by any means, she was also not terribly translucent. Not like Suzanne, who was hardly more than an outline when backlit at all. 
Florence considered appearing to her widower husband to get some reassurance that she was a pretty ghost, but decided she didn't want him to see her this way. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

A most productive jam session


Mental Health
'Boxerton: the Band' started with a groundbreaking concept: what if, instead of hitting drums, we hit cardboard boxes? Cardboard boxes also make sounds when you hit them, and also they are much cheaper than a drum kit. This line of reasoning was so simple that Steev (sic) the lead drummer was absolutely baffled that no one else was doing it.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Magazines for niche audiences

Crustacean Singles, in association with Publishers' Safehouse, is proud to present a new line of magazines for audiences with niche interests. Until now, it was prohibitively expensive and time-consuming to stay up to date on your passion. But now you can, with titles such as:





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JUST CALL ANY NUMBER AND WHISPER, "send me all your materials post-haste"

Sunday, May 3, 2015

I'll be looking down from on high


With insincere apologies for scan quality (this was done in the middle of the night and in pencil).

Friday, May 1, 2015

Reversal of fortune


Mental Health I
No one will ever expect much of you, and you will not fail to meet their expectations. 
You will never fall out of an airplane you don't deserve to fall out of.
The poison will not show up in your postmortem toxicology report.
You will never find love at the bottom of a fast food restaurant playground's ball pit. You may be prosecuted for looking for it, there, though.
You'll never pull off broad, horizontal stripes, dear. It's time to give up on those. 

Mental Health II
So you'd prefer more of a classic fortune, eh? Hold out your hand. Hmm...your other hand. Your right hand isn't interesting to the beings of the astral realm, no. I'm sorry to have to tell you that.
Well. I can see...a lack of interpersonal skills. A certain gullibility. A predilection for poor hygiene, too, yes. The spirits counsel you to avoid responsibilities-- that way lies danger.