Find love at CrustaceanSingles.com
Gretchen happened to love her first name, and couldn't see why anyone wouldn't. She was resolved to have her name join the pantheon of names that meant something, like Kodak, Ford, and Gatling. It seemed that "Gretchen" was well on its way to meaning "to punch people in the face", after she did just that to Mike Girardi right in the middle of the high school cafeteria.
At the Metal Health Clinic, Steve and Jeff received some bad news: they were both suffering from some serious whiplash, probably due to excessive head movement while listening to and playing metal. The doctor recommended listening to, like, Simon and Garfunkel or something, just for the next six weeks, to discourage head-banging; if they didn't rest, there would be serious damage.
Martin awoke, thinking he was a beached whale. Gaining more consciousness, he still felt like one, and a casual observer, squinting a little, would be hard-pressed to point out any significant differences between Martin and any given beached whale.
"I am going to make it through this year if it kills me."
(The Mountain Goats, This Year)
"So, how's drowning in apathy going for you?" She may have been speaking sarcastically; it didn't really matter.
Milton took a lazy pause to consider the question. "Could be worse," he finally answered. "Could be better." He sunk a little deeper into the couch.
I know the truth: That clock is actually a mind-jamming device. Obviously put there by the government to keep me from finishing my conspiracy theory. It's driving me crazy. But it looks exactly like my mom's clock, so if I smash it there will be trouble.
If only waking up in jail had been the worst thing happening to him that morning, Jason thought to himself. What was he going to talk to his hung-over ex-mother-in-law about for the hours it would take her daughter to bail them both out?
