The jealousy to come

Why is he so happy about a tiny hat? I don't know; it's not my job to imagine everything for you.


A façade

I'm out of the country, and I don't know how frequent my internet access will be. So I drew these backup comics over the last couple months and am in the process of getting them to auto-post once a day in my absence.

We're in XKCD's universe, now. Goodbye, faces.

Satisfaction with life

If you were a quadruped, it would be even more important to have sweet boots.


Generous sponsors

Cocaine: you'll never want to stop.
Cocaine: so good, you'll sell your grandma's insulin just to get a fix.

The CIA: "How were we supposed to know the Taliban would be bad?"
The CIA: Seriously, overthrowing democratically elected governments when they feel like it.


Free estimates

Mental Health
The sign read 'Free Estimates', so Gerald thought it was worth a try. He went to the woman at the counter and said, "How many gum balls do you think I can fit in my mouth?"


Traffic suggestions

Mental Health
"Wait, no," the sign said, too softly for the passing car to hear. "Actually, I'm feeling really lonely, here. It would be nice if you could stay a while..." The sign looked up and saw that the car was long gone. "...Oh."


Unprecedented pranks

Mental Health
"Now, as you come out of general anesthesia, I want you to think about what would be cooler than having two arms and two legs. And OK, do you have it pictured? Because unless you were thinking 'a full set of transplanted tentacles', our head surgeon's idea was better." 
 "Look, everyone. He's speechless. Congratulations, tentacle boy!" 


Tragically misunderstood

Mental Health
Through a cruel twist of cosmic fate, the crash-landed extra-terrestrials' cries for help in their native language sounded almost identical to horribly offensive insults in the Brazilian Portuguese spoken around their crash site. Before the misunderstanding could be cleared up, an interstellar war was begun.


A friendly situation

Mental Health
The exits were sealed. The lighting was low. Snacks and drinks adorned the tables. Milton felt himself begin to sweat. Things were about to get friendly in here.


À la recherche du petit déjeuner perdu

Mental Health
"What do you mean, it's after 10:30? I think the guy holding the gun gets to decide what time it is, and when the breakfast menu closes, for that matter.