Bad dream


Panel 1 of 3, taking place in a thought cloud: a stick figure sits at a desk with a pen and paper and says, "Time to think of something funny." Panel 2 of 3: it was only a dream. The kid who dreamed it awakes and clutches head in hands and screams, "AHHHHH". Panel 3 of 3: Still in the dark bedroom. One parent with hand on the kid's shoulder and says, "It's only a bad dream." Another parent leans over the bed and adds, "You don't have to be a cartoonist when you grow up."

Some fates are easily avoidable.

(Patrons of the CrustaceanSingles Patreon got to see a very rough draft of this one two days ago. Must be nice, huh?)



I will not fight


A stick figure stands with folded arms and a look of consternated exasperation. "I'm not going to fight you. I can't handle secondhand embarrassment."

Telling prospective foes your greatest weakness is a real power move.


In which Murv lingers

Murv, a stick figure, addresses a point above his eyeline and sort of cups a hand to project his voice: "Hello? Writer? It's been a couple days since you said I was about to die... I'm just wondering whether you have a timeframe in mind. Should I make plans for the weekend? This is Murv, by the way.

I KNEW there was something I was forgetting to do.
(Continuity? In my CrustaceanSingles? It's more likely than you think! See Tuesday's comic for the start of this arc.)



Snake variants

A snake with one hump on its back is labeled "Dromedary snake". Another with two humps is labeled "Bactrian snake".

 Stick around with CrustaceanSingles and you just might learn a thing or two!


Networking nightmare


Two humanoid figures stand facing each other; the one on the right holds a healthy crab and looks nonplussedly over at the other's proffered limp lobster and deflated facial expression. Caption: "But of course, the chance meeting's promise of a lucky break—so long-awaited and desperately needed—all fell apart when it came time to exchange business crabs."

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Two stick figures wear neolithic clothing and engage in gathering; one crouches over a bush in which at least two cats are partly contained, and another kneels before plants growings thumbs-up icons, a basket with already-harvested upvote and heart icons on the ground at the ready. Caption: "Early humans foraging for dopamine."

The archaeological record suggests they were able to meet their needs with as little as twelve hours of gathering in a week.



That empty feeling

Two balloons with faces float next to a window. One has a despondent expression and says, "sure, I still float & bob & squeak, but on the inside? on the inside, I've been popped for a looong time now". The other looks concerned. Out the window, a bird flies by carrying a sword with its feet, though this is unrelated.

"But listen to me going on and on! How are you enjoying the new neighborhood?"


I am a rock in a stream

Pictured: a stream flows across a forest landscape; plants grow among fallen leaves and stones on the banks of the stream. One rock is in the stream, partially submerged. Top caption: "I am a rock in a stream. Thoughts and sensations arise, passing over and around me like water; only I remain." Bottom caption: "I am a pissed-off rock in an irritating stream..."

This is the meditation that got me through a four-hour infusion of ocrelizumab yesterday. Maybe you will find it helpful, too.



Comment section


A smirking figure hunches over a laptop at a desk in a dark room and types into a comment box: "You don't understand. I'm angry at people online because I'm a *success*. I've already driven off everyone in real life. This is like a bonus level for me."

"And I have managed to convince myself that upvotes and downvotes both mean I'm right, so."