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2023-12-31

Ah, yes...

 

Grambo's young friend stands behind him and says, "Grambo, I'm dying to know—what's the deal with you and puddles? Is it the ephemerality? Reflectivity? A fond memory? What am I missing?" Grambo, sitting in a puddle and leaning back contentedly, says, "Ah, yes, I remember puddles..."

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2023-12-30

Who goes there?

 

The image is divided into two tall vertical panels. On the left, Grambo stands confidently with hands on hips facing right and says, "I have defeated every mirror I've ever seen." Facing left in the right panel, a near-mirror image folds arms and has a sterner expression, saying, "But not every reflection." Both speech bubbles cross the borders of either vertical panel. The left panel is flat grey while the right panel is full of black and white static noise.

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2023-12-29

In confidence, with confidence

 

Grambo gazes down at a puddle next to which he kneels. Whether to his own reflection or to the puddle or both, he says, "I feel like I can tell you anything."

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2023-12-28

No mind

 

Grambo lies on his back in a puddle and looks up at the sky, slightly angling his head back as though speaking to the round bird perched in a branch nearby. "My mind has determined that there is no such thing as my mind. / That seems very advanced for a nonexistent thing to figure out." Nearby, a snake looks on with a question mark above its head.

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2023-12-27

Danger from below

 

A balloon floats into the sky, approaching two clouds with worried faces. One says, "Don't let it touch you! It has ground germs!"

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2023-12-26

We've got a lot to be thankful for

Meanwhile, in the sky,

A sky with fluffy white clouds, all having smiling pleasant faces. One says, "I'm grateful for good friends and the time I get to spend with them." Another on the periphery says, "I'm glad no one's found out about that thing I did."

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2023-12-25

Cherishing the onion

 

Grambo sits in a puddle and cradles a large purple onion in a blanket, smiling down at it. His round bird friend sits on a rock next to him and the onion. Two dark clouds look on from above, somewhat skeptical. A star shines overhead, pale blue.

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2023-12-24

Didn't you hear?

 

Grambo sits on a stone; a snaggle of snakes goes past. One raises its head and says, "Didn't you hear?" Grambo replies, "Hearing is not understanding."

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2023-12-23

Season speculation

 

Crambo sits on a roof, grabbing a ventilation pipe and looking forlorn. An attic window shows a skull sitting on a table looking out. A top caption reads, "Is that Father Crambo? About to enter your home at night by unconventional means?" And Crambo says, "No, just looking for my sandwich. Also, don't call me that. I am not your dad."

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2023-12-22

Do you?

 

A surreal scene: Grambo sits in a giant teacup, looking alert and uncomfortable. The round bird perches on the teacup's handle. In the background, ancient Greek columns grow like trees, branching into canopies of roofs where they haven't broken. A thought bubble at the bottom: "Every time I think I understand what's happening to me, I soon after realize Ek msn't nvin cloak." (That last bit is a garbled version of "I wasn't even close".)

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2023-12-21

Exploration and discovery

 

Grambo looks over a low ridge at a dramatic waterfall and says, "A sideways puddle? Now I've seen it all!"

This will be difficult to sit in, but Grambo likes a challenge.

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2023-12-20

Not from around here

 

A very round stick figure crouches oddly on a lumpy protuberance of land next to a pond, pointing at Grambo who is sitting in the pond, and says, "You're not from around here, are you?" Grambo holds his chin thoughtfully and says, "No, I think I'm from a pointier here."

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2023-12-19

Can you believe this guy?

 

Grambo looks up at some churlish clouds and asks them, "Do you take requests? Because some puddle would really hit the spot." Elsewhere in the sky, a bird clings to the end of a kite string as a strong wind pulls the kite and the bird.

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2023-12-18

Contemplate that onion

 

In a strange grocery store with uncanny growth climbing the shelves, Grambo and accompanying young person are shopping. Grambo holds a purple onion and looks at it intently. The young person holds up a basket laden with produce and a jar and says, "Grambo, come on. If you need to keep contemplating that onion, just put it in the basket and let's buy it."

Can anyone really own an onion, though?

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2023-12-17

Grambo walks in the woods

 

Spread across four panels: "I am Grambo!" says Grambo, glancing up at a round bird perched on a low branch. He plucks the bird from tree at though it were a fruit and holds it gently in his hand. "Nobody can ever take that from me!" he adds. The bird looks up at him and says, "True but tautological. If they did, you would no longer be Grambo." Grambo brings the bird up to his face and gives it a big smooch on the beak. END

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2023-12-16

The naming of beings

A gigantic grublike creature approaches Grambo (who is standing in a puddle) and says, "Hi! What's your name?" Grambo considers this and says, "Hmmm... No, I don't think it is."

 

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2023-12-15

Who is that?

 

A stooped little figure with clasped hands and a kind smile approaches Grambo, who is sitting on a tortoise's back. The former says, "Looking into your eyes, I can see that you are suffering greatly but full of compassion." Grambo replies, "You must be mistaking me for someone else! I am only Crambo." The tortoise is about to eat a leaf.

Wait, but I thought—

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2023-12-14

Identity and actions

Grambo (a stick figure with a pointy curling chin or perhaps poorly delineated beard) sits in a puddle, specifically the person who was turning into a puddle in yesterday's comic, with only the top of its formerly human head not yet fully puddle-ified and a half-melted face below that. The puddle says, "You're sitting on me." Grambo turns slightly and says, "No, I'm Grambo."

 

but I get that a lot

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2023-12-13

Lucky

 

Pictured: from the head down to mid-torso, a stick figure; below that, a puddle. The person's face is pleased and surprised. Thought bubble: My wish came true!

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2023-12-12

Same direction

Top text, not contained by a speech bubble, diegetic origins unclear: "Is Grambo following that duck?" Grambo, a stick figure with an upward curling chin or perhaps poorly delineated beard, walks a few paces behind a worried-looking duck. The duck turns its head to look behind itself and asks Grambo, "*Are* you following me?" Grambo replies, "Oh. I think we're just going the same way. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Straight from an incoherent late-night drafting session (but with illegible scrawl turned to somewhat legible lettering typeface for your convenience).

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2023-12-11

Remember puddles?

 

Panel 1 of 2: A closeup of a worry-faced humanoid creature wringing its chin or maybe poorly delineated beard. "Remember puddles? They don't make them anymore, but—" Panel 2 of 2: Zoomed out from the first panel, we see the creature from the first panel sitting in a puddle facing another humanoid stick figure who leans down and says, "Grambo, you're sitting in a puddle right now."

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2023-12-10

Give it a try sometime

 

A surprised and frustrated person gestures at a wall, which inexplicably has a large puddle on its vertical surface. "How did you manage to get a puddle on the wall?" Another person sitting on the floor smiles and says, "Asking nicely goes a long way."

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2023-12-09

On the move

 

A herd of puddles scrunches impossibly along like inchworms, leaving drips behind them, all in the same direction. Caption: The March of the Puddles.
They're coming for you.

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2023-12-08

Fleetingness

 

A little pond with a smiling face says, "I think it's kind of beautiful to be ephemeral." A little flower growing near it says, "But not so ephemeral that you don't have time to learn fancy words."

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2023-12-07

What's yours?

 Under a cloudy sky, a strange scene unfolds. From background to foreground: a person holds onto the string of a kite, but the kite is on the ground and the person is flying in the sky. A human shape covered in foliage wears a bowler hat and steps into a large puddle or small pond. A bird contentedly holds a slice of pizza in its beak. Bottom caption: Even a day like today is bearable when you carry an exhilarating secret.

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2023-12-06

Welcome

This one has a lot of words at the top: "You think that must be a rejection. Do you feel disappointment? Relief? / But the next morning, you find this on your doorstep. Is it a seed? An egg? A spore? There are no instructions, so you trust it doesn't need any. / You hold it and say to yourself, 'Welcome to the Uncanny Growth.'" The illustration is of a hand holding the aforementioned seed or egg or spore, which is larger than the palm of the hand and has an approximate teardrop shape with ridges, chambers, and a rough or perhaps even serrated texture. Its surface is black and purple.

I know it's too many words, but can we just take a moment to appreciate that this is the closest I have ever come to drawing a cromulent human hand?

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2023-12-05

Application submitted

 

A dense profusion of foliage on thick vines occupies the top and left three quarters of the frame. The bottom right shows a sort of passage into the tangle. One of the branches of the vine has extended and curled at the end. Captions: "You ask to join the Uncanny Growth. It nods a tendril. A voice rustles: 'Thank you for your interest. We'll be in touch."

"Anticlimax doesn't really count as a joke," I tell myself. But I never listen.

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2023-12-04

Join

 

A dense profusion of foliage on thick vines occupies the top and left three quarters of the frame. The bottom right shows a sort of passage into the tangle with superimposed text reading "Join the uncanny growth? Y/N"

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2023-12-03

You've been warned

 

Top caption: Keep your socks dry. Image: two stick figures hide behind rocks, fearful, as a small hovering body of water floats above the ground and drips menacingly. Bottom caption: Levitating puddle is on the hunt.

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2023-12-02

Profundity

A person approaches a puddle from which a second person's head emerges. The first says, "Wow, deep puddle!" The second replies, "No, I'm a disembodied head in a shallow puddle." The first says, "Oh. Sorry?"

 

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2023-12-01

Wallowing

 

A person approaches another person who is in a fetal position lying in a small puddle. "Hey...why are you wallowing in that puddle?" The wallowing person replies sadly, "All the good puddles were too crowded."

It's probably a metaphor or something.

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2023-11-30

Doing it

Panel 1 of 2: A cloud with a scowling facial expression looks at a little stick figure, cross-legged and meditative, who is floating nearly at its own level in the sky. The cloud says, "You're doing it wrong". Panel 2 of 2: A closeup on the stick figure, who smiles serenely and raises one hand in a discursive gesture: "How can that be when I am in fact doing it?"

I think it is enough for now.

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2023-11-29

Head in the clouds

 

A stick figure with extremely long legs and arms stands high in the sky, head among the clouds, and thinks, "always got my head in the clouds". The clouds scowl and one says, "We'd really rather you didn't."

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2023-11-28

Communicative intent

 

A puffy cloud bears a passing resemblance to a hand performing a rude gesture involving its middle finger. It also has a face with a grumpy expression and says, "If you choose to interpret my current, purely coincidental form as intentional communication of an idea, that's on you."

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2023-11-27

Angry weather

 

A stick figure wields a net on the end of a very long pole, extending it into a stormy sky with angry-faced grey clouds. A bird with an eyepatch and a prosthetic hook replacing one of its feet perches on a branch nearby and says, "You better hope you don't really get one."

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2023-11-26

I don't appreciate the tone

Two distant stick figures look up at a formation of clouds that appears to resemble letters spelling the word "RIGHT". One says, "Seems sarcastic."

 

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2023-11-25

Heyyy

 

Panel 1 of 2: Two fluffy clouds float near each other in the sky. The one on the left smiles blankly, while the one on the right smiles perhaps a little flirtatiously. Panel 2 of 2: the cloud on the left has opened up its entire side (not its still-smiling mouth) and is devouring the other, whose expression has shifted into alarm.

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2023-11-24

Unexpected and wrong

 

A fluffy cloud rests atop a tree trunk as though it were the tree's cartoonishly drawn foliage. It looks down in confusion. "That can't be right."

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2023-11-23

Drifted

A sad cloud alone in a stormy sky says, "Sorry we drifted apart".

Get it? Because they're clouds? Do you get my joke

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2023-11-22

Mutuality

 

Two clouds next to each other have smaller tufts of cloud between them resembling the smaller trails of thought bubbles in cartooning convention. One looks excited, while the other, skeptical, says, "I don't think it necessarily means we're mutually imaginary."

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2023-11-21

Parade?

 

A cloud wears a ridiculous face disguise of thick glasses with false eyebrows, nose, and mustache. It says, "No, I don't know anything about what happen to that parade. I don't even know what parade is. I am simple cloud."

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2023-11-20

How are you

 

One cloud asks another, "How are you doing?" The other says, "Wrong."

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2023-11-19

Howdy

It's just a cartoonish drawing of a cloud that is shaped like a tall cowboy hat. The cloud has a happy little face. The cloud says, "Howdy".

 

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2023-11-18

Do you think it hurts

One cloud says to another, "Do you think it hurts when you rain away?" The other says, "Or maybe it's nice. Who cares? At least then it's over." An asterisk leads to a footnote reading "Little do they know, they're trapped in the water cycle until the Sun's expansion strips the Earth of its atmosphere and water after billions of years."

 

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2023-11-17

You can't

 

Panel 1 of 2: a bird approaches a large cloud, beginning to land on its surface. The cloud has a face with a bothered, confused expression and says, "Hey. No. You can't do that—". Panel 2 of 2: the bird has fully landed on the cloud and has pulled up a chunk of cloud in its beak. Its head is cocked inquisitively to the side but its expression is unreadable. The cloud's face is now shocked and possibly pained. END

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2023-11-16

Nebulous social status

 

Two stick figures lie on the grass and look up at clouds in a blue sky. One points and says, "That one looks like a friend!" The other says, "You shouldn't form parasocial relationships with clouds."

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2023-11-15

Purists

 

A cloud addresses a hot air balloon (or the person piloting it): "It's hard to argue with results, but you're still not doing it *right*."

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2023-11-14

Posted rules

 

A sign stuck into the ground says "Sky to remain clear at all times". One cloud looks at it worriedly, while another grins and says, "What's city hall gonna do about it?"

I was feeling stuck compulsively making this useless stuff every day. Then I stumbled into an even more specific (constrained) version, like locking myself inside a box inside the cell I'd already locked myself inside. Where do I go from here? What am I doing with my l

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2023-11-13

It's not supposed to do that

 

A cloud with a face is inside a building, floating by a window and looking out at a sky full of gigantic floating stick figures. "The sky is doing that thing wrong again."

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2023-11-12

That cloud looks like

 

A cloud has sprouted legs and walks upon the earth, crushing one member of a picnic as two others run away. The cloud says, "Now who looks like a slumpy muddle?"

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2023-11-11

Correct if wrong

 

One cloud says to another, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but—" and the other replies, "OK, when's a good time to work through the considerable backlog?"

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2023-11-10

Drifted

 

Several stick figures sit and recline on clouds which are also their own thought bubbles, with little thought bubble trails coming from their (the stick figures') heads. They gaze lovingly at their thought bubbles/clouds. "And so they drifted / each in love with / their own idea".

(your idea does not love you back)

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2023-11-09

Far beyond

 

A cloud in the approximate shape of a head with a triple-forked beard floats in the foreground of a sky with scattered clouds. It has a face and uses one of its beard forks as a tentacle to grasp a tiny human figure, holding it up as though speaking to it. "I will grow too weird to be deemed right or wrong".
This increasingly feels like it's run its course, but I barely remember who I was before the wrongposting began.

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2023-11-08

Wrong and right

 

A cloud has settled on the ground and is devouring one of the people who came over to inspect it while others look on in horror or run away. The cloud says, "If this is wrong, I don't want to be right."

What has being right ever done for me?

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2023-11-07

Doing, wrong, et cetera

 

A cloud in the sky looks down at a cloud lying on the ground and says, "You're doing it wrong." The cloud on the ground is surrounded by tiny stick figures approaching it with varying degrees of caution. Its facial expression is anticipatory and somewhat intense. It replies to the other cloud, "You don't know what I'm doing."

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2023-11-06

Possibly not right

 

Two distant stick figures stand and sit respectively on a low grassy hill. One points up at an improbable formation of clouds. The clouds seen from the reader's perspective appear to spell out the word "wrong", although of course this would be mirrored from the perspective of the people on the hill. The pointing person asks the other, "Do those clouds look right to you?"

The fact that I suspect this to be my greatest accomplishment is more a reflection on all my past work than a recommendation of the comic you see before you, but

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2023-11-05

First person dual inclusive

 

The sun in the sky has a sad face and is crying glowing yellow tears like rain. A cloud with a face has bright shining lines emanating from it. The cloud says to the sun, "We're doing it wrong."

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2023-11-04

Still?

 

A cartoonish cloud looks down at a crying person whose tears are dropping like rain. The cloud says, "You're doing it wrong."

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2023-11-03

Debatable

 

A cartoonish cloud with a face looks down at a person's thought bubble, which resembles the cloud, but which also contains an imagined slice of pizza. The cloud says to the thought bubble, "You're doing it wrong."

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2023-11-02

Just so you know

 

Several more or less realistic fluffy clouds float in the sky. Among them is one cartoonish cloud with a face. One of the realistic clouds says to the cartoonish one, "You're doing it wrong."

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2023-11-01

A little free advice

 

A cloud with a face looks down at a person holding a kite and says, "You're doing it wrong."

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2023-10-31

Trust the plan

 

Three ghosts in a trenchcoat float outside a library. One forms the head and the two others emerge from the sleeves, having shaped themselves into approximate hands with faces. The head says, "...and if anybody asks, we're here for books" but the word "books" is written with five 'O's because they are ghosts and I am a hack.

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2023-10-30

Vampire variants

 

A three by three grid of small frames shows a series of vampire-based pun costumes. From top left to bottom right: the basic vampire, the vampirate, a person with fangs wearing a beret and smoking named Vam-Pierre, a vampire holding a lighter: Vam-pyromaniac, a vampire piñata (vam-piñata) with a blindfolded kid whacking at it with a stick, a vam-pilgrim wearing the ridiculous pilgrim hat, Mr. Vam-Peanut (an anthropomorphic peanut with top hat, monocle, and cane, plus of course the vampire fangs), Vam-Pac Man, and a Vam-pineapple.

Add fangs and make a bad pun. Now you have a whole new costume.

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2023-10-29

Are you frightened?

 

A ghost does its best to perform spookiness for a living person, but the person shrugs and says, "Sorry, but it's still not scary...to me, you'll always be a cute ghost."

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2023-10-28

Aaahhhh! It's continuity from yesterday!

 

The panel is zoomed in from yesterday's billboard partially obscured by a tree. At the bottom of the billboard, non-diegetic text reads, "Continued from yesterday:". A second ghost emerges from the leafy branches of the tree and addresses the ghost looking up at the billboard: "Don't call them. They're just recruiting for a reincarnation pyramid scheme." More non-diegetic text appears at the bottom: "Will there be an exciting conclusion? I guess it's possible, but I do not have a plan."

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2023-10-27

Still

 

A ghost looks up at a billboard that reads, "Still in denial about being a ghost? We can help! Call 1-800 [obscured by a tree].

Nah, I don't do phones.

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2023-10-26

Is that the best you've got?

 

A particularly carelessly drawing in black and white lines of a headstone with the epitaph "I've had worse".

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2023-10-25

Aaahhhh

 

A ghost holds a ghostly guitar and says, "I'm lucky my guitar died at the same time as me." And then adds, "Anyway, this next one's a sad song. It's called 'Ghostbusters'".

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2023-10-24

A final review

 

A grave marker bears the epitaph "I did not care for that at all".

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2023-10-23

A ghostly encounter

One kid is finishing a spooky story as two others sit on the ground listening: "...and there was the ghost. Looking. right. at her. One of the others says, "Eh..." The other adds, "More of a ghost anecdote than a ghost story." Meanwhile, in the background, three ghostly shapes are faintly visible, also listening attentively.

 

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2023-10-22

Ominousness

 

Two ravens are perched near each other. One looks ashamed and says, "Truth is, for all the time I spend trying to look ominous, I've never delivered a single omen." The other accepts this confession in stoic silence.
Please don't tell anyone.

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2023-10-21

Former form

A ghost looks down at an open casket where its own former body lies. "So *that's* where that thing ended up."

 

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2023-10-20

Preferred curse

 

A person sits a a desk in front of a single blank sheet of paper, holding a fancy fountain pen with an eerie glow. The person says, "This cursed pen won't let me work!" The pen says, "You could always use a different pen..." The person replies, "No, I like this excuse."

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2023-10-19

Not a great party

 

A ghost floats at the periphery of their own funeral. Mourners gather around the casket looking sad. The ghost thinks, "This is boring."

I don't want to be here.

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2023-10-18

Old Man Jeffords

 

Two youths stand in the background. One gestures at a man in the foreground. The man has a long, white-and-grey beard, a somewhat dazed expression, and wears an old white bedsheet like a poncho. He says, "boo?" The gesturing youth explains, "That's old man Jeffords. He put on that bedsheet on Halloween night twenty-some years ago, looked in the mirror, & scared himself so bad he thought he'd died & become a ghost on the spot. Acts like one ever since."

 He thinks his unfinished business is giving away candy, so it's pretty much a best-case scenario.

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2023-10-17

Unlikely being

 

A balloon with a face, including vampire fangs, thinks, "How did I even happen? Seems implausible at best."

Feels like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel every day lately, but the demon who gives me my ideas isn't answering my texts.

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2023-10-16

Business ghost

 

A ghost wears a necktie and carries a briefcase. Facial expression is worried and tired. Thought bubble: "I have so much unfinished business."

Poor business ghost. That promotion's never going to come, bud.

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2023-10-15

My treasure

 

A ghost appears in the air at the edge of a dark coniferous forest, speaking to a child. "Hey. You seem cool. I want to show you where my treasure is buried." The child looks excited and asks, "Is it bones?" The ghost replies, "It involves bones..."

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2023-10-14

A certain kind of vampire

 

A fruit bat hangs from a branch, wings folded, and says, "Sure, I'm a vampire. If you count fruit blood."

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2023-10-13

Figure out what you do

 

A ghost with vampire fangs and collar, Frankenstein's Monster-style skull stitches, and a pirate's eyepatch floats in the air. A living person folds their arms and says, "Pick a lane."

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2023-10-12

Uncarved

 

A pumpkin, uncarved, has a thought bubble: "What could be scarier than no face at all?"

It's not because I'm scared of knives. Don't tell everyone I'm scared of knives.

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2023-10-11

Not a fun game for everyone

 

Four kids sit around a spirit board (also known as Ouija board) in a dark room. A ghost next to them looks sadly at the board and says, "I never learned how to read."

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2023-10-10

Any day now

 

In a dark room, something lurks between a door and the wall, gripping the edge of the door from behind it with long, crooked fingers. "This is going to be such a good jump scare / if anyone ever shows up at this abandoned old house".

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2023-10-09

One ghost story

 

A child sits up in bed in a dark room. In the upper corner of the room, a faint ghost in a bowler hat. The child says, "Mr. Ghost? Will you tell me a bedtime story?"The ghost answers, "All I can remember is ghost stories anymore." The kid says, "Works for me." The ghost then says, "Fine, but only one, 'cause I have got unfinished business like you would not believe."

For Remake Monday: a ghost story.

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