So tired


A bird perches on a stool and delivers standup comedy into a microphone on a stand: "I just flew in from Newark, and boy are my wings tired! / I am very out of shape, folks."

"I try explaining to my agent that I'm non-migratory, but she's an arctic tern..."


Please don't

A person seated at a table addresses a nervous-looking waiter: "Please don't politely ask me to leave. / I'll go, but only if *you* make a scene."

I just think it would be nice to be on the other end of things for once.




Person 1, cheerfully: How would you like to do something fun?  Person 2, despondently: I have tried my best, but I cannot imagine a way.

Haha question words can be ambiguous. Haha depression.


Smelt it, dealt it, etc.

   This is a departure from the typical format, and also much sloppier. My drawing hand and my drawing brain won't cooperate to improve the linework, much less add color. They hope to be back in better form tomorrow.
   As for the subject, some explanation is in order: after a reader correctly predicted yesterday's comic a day in advance, I asked whether they knew what I'd post today and if so, whether they'd mind telling me. Their answer: "a clever multi-point deconstruction of the statistical assumptions posed by the Fermi Paradox, all implied allegorically by a pun about farts". Pretty close, huh?
   For best results, please imagine a very gaseous nebula revealed in panel 3's zoom out.
Panel 1 of 3: A large telescope on a mountain. A speech bubble comes from inside: "A whole universe out there—" Panel 2 of 3: inside the telescope facility, two astronomers are seen working. One replies to the first panel: "—and so you're saying, what, you'd think we'd've smelt it by now—" and the other, who spoke in the first panel, says, "—if there was someone to have dealt it. Yeah." Panel 3 of 3: back to the exterior shot, but zoomed out. The conversation continues: "Well, perhaps they have some kind of stealth tech. Some kind of 'great filter'." / "Seems more likely that every species just hits a point where it dutch ovens itself to death." END



Now what?

Línjì Yìxuán taught, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." 

This informative pamphlet takes it from there.

Against a background of dramatic stone formations and a pass between them, a hand holds a pamphlet: "So you've killed the Buddha / Now what?". Depicted on the cover below the title is a Bodhi tree with a glowing outline in the shape of the meditating Buddha.



I count


A stick figure holds a  mixing bowl and stirs seven times. "Nothing bad will happen to me *because* I don't do things the correct number of times. / The bad things will happen to me anyway. / Might as well let my brain enjoy its prime numbers."

I can make this joke because it is also the truth.

I feel like I should add the caveat that my obsessive-compulsive thing with numbers is currently not significantly interfering with my life...but I'm definitely keeping an eye on it, because I know that won't necessarily always be the case. YMMV.



The woods


The antlered quadrupedal creature with a smiling stick figure face is back, drawn in pen with digital watercolor, and saying, "You will meet good fortune in these woods. Not because of anything I did. The woods just like you!"

Are you just trying to get me to spend big at the gift shop? Because it's not not working.


Have you seen this dog?


A sign taped to a utility pole reads: "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DOG? (IN YOUR OWN YARD?) [illustration of a dog with a speech bubble] 'I bark & howl day & night, but I'm not a bad dog. I just have a negligent, inconsiderate owner!' Take responsibility for your anımal and be a decent neighbor. Please? Contact me if you know who the problem is." (and then the bottom of the sheet of paper is cut into tear-off tabs with an illegible phone number)

Today's comic is brought to you by: at least three different terrible neighbors!


Forest passage


A strange, antlered quadruped with the face of a human stick figure stands at the start of a path into a dark forest and says, "You may pass through this forest as you wish,but know this: the only way out is through the gift shop."

I doodled this little fella a few days ago & have been troubled ever since. Now I pass the mild curse along to you.