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2024-03-02

Cool accent

 

Title: A True Story.  One person, friendly and interested, says to another: "Cool accent! Where's that from?" The other replies with a rueful smile: "Brain damage." Around this second person's head is a sort of halo crossed with a labyrinth drawn in awkward lines, because I am a serious artist.

   Real things people have said to me: "It sounds like you're an American who grew up at an embassy in Europe or something. / Is that a Canadian dialect? / Are you from one of those little islands off the coast of New England...? / It's gotta be one of the Commonwealth countries, right?"
   (It's currently *mostly* hyperarticulation to compensate for the brain damage.)
   (For the record, I don't really mind. I have a linguistics background & a front-row seat to witness a very interesting catastrophe.)

2024-02-29

One bottle left

 

Panel 1 of 4: A stick figure viewed from the chest up smiles and says, "Juice time."  Panel 2 of 4: The same figure crouches before an opened refrigerator, looking and reaching for a the back of a shelf and thinking, "One bottle left at the back. Passed over every time before It is your turn at last." Visible on the door shelf of the fridge are some bottles, one marked with a plus-minus symbol and another with an ampersand, and two jars appearing to contain a forked gherkin and kalamata olives respectively. On the top shelf, a container marked "dubious paste" and a jug labeled "ilk minus".  Panel 3 of 4: A closeup: the figure's hand holds a bottle of dark purple juice with a dark purple-grey label reading "The Final Juice".  Panel 4 of 4: The view returns to chest up of the figure, who now frowns with a hand pensively rested on their chin and says, "Ehhh...not that thirsty." END

Thanks for joining me on this juiceposting journey. Tomorrow I return to the wilderness, resuming my usual wanderings until I find the next obsession.
BUT—!
Over the last month, I drafted many, many more adventures in juice. I am going to compile them, along with the dailies I've posted & various notes & commentaries, into a small book or zine. I'm going to aim for a digital version on a pay-what-you want basis and see if I can even manage that much. A stretch goal would be to produce a limited run of physical copies to sell or trade.
If you want to help make that happen, here are some things you can do: 1) comment something to the effect of "do it do it DO IT" / 2) deliver a small monetary encouragement at ko-fi.com/CrustaceanSingles / 3) send me any Juice That Makes You Less of A Disaster you may have lying about.
Thanks for reading.

2024-02-28

Merely

 

Panel 1 of 2: One person stands at a table, pouring juice from a bottle labeled 'juice' into one of two glasses on the table, and asks another person at the opposite side of the table, "Hey, you want some of this juice?" The other looks interested but wary and asks, "I dunno...what does it do to you?"  Panel 2 of 2: Same scene. The first replies, "'What does it do to you?' It's just juice. You drink it." The other answers, a little annoyed, "That's all? Why bother?"
 
If it doesn't show you a world where you don't exist, or make you speak in riddles, or with a little luck turn you into one or more birds, what's even the point?

2024-02-27

Moving on

 

Panel 1 of 3: a hand holds a bottle. The label reads "Juice that helps you move on". Panel 2 of 3: A stick figure tips the bottle with a blank expression and thinks, "Here goes nothing..." Panel 3 of 3: The figure holds the bottle and stares blankly past it. The space behind them is occupied by a large thought bubble. At the top of the thought bubble, a bird says, "We can't be friends anymore" in hand-lettered text; a memory. Below this, the words, "It happened. It was bad. It is over now and I am not."

Am I ready? Is there such a thing?
(I've made a version with the top of the third panel's thought bubble cleared and transparent for your editing convenience: https://ko-fi.com/i/IW7W8UZI7P. Consider this an invitation.)

2024-02-25

Bottled sky

 

Depicted is the shape of a glass bottle on a table. Instead of the glass material, label, or contents, the outline of the bottle is like a hole in its own scene, one behind which is seen a landscape painting, more or less realistic according to my abilities. A flat, dark ocean occupies no more than a tenth of the bottle's volume at the bottom, above which is a sky full of fluffy clouds. This is all intended to resemble the style and themes of Magritte's work without copying any one painting and in keeping with the theme of bottles of juice that I've been constraining myself to this month. Oh, and also there's some writing carved into the table: "AL (heart with a '7' in it) SM". It's unrelated to the rest of the image.

DRINK? Y/N
(Turns out I wasn't done with Magritte. I'm never done with Magritte.)

2024-02-23

Being and Uselessness

Depicted is a glass bottle filled with liquid. The label reads, "Ceci n'est pas du jus." In English, "This is not juice." It is an allusion to René Magritte's "La Trahison des Images" (The Treachery of Images) which depicts a pipe and is sub-titled "Ceci n'est pas une pipe." I even copied the handwriting.

Juice that lazily appropriates an important piece of philosophical art by one of my favorite artists ever, adding essentially nothing to it.
Or maybe it doesn't meet the legal definition of 'juice' because of additives and adulterants. Or something.
.
(Some of you may recall from intermediate French that the partitive article reduces to de/d' after a negation, but negation with être is in fact an exception to the rule. Knowing obscure French grammar and teaching it to fellow undergrads was my actual job for a couple years. Do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks.)

2024-02-02

2024-01-31

Absurdity

 

Panel 1 of 3: a bottle sits on a table. The label reads "Juice that awakens you to the absurdity of existence". Panel 2 of 3: A stick figure tips the bottle back and drinks deeply from it, thinking, "This is fundamentally meaningless." Panel 3 of 3: A second figure asks the first, "Oh hey, how's that juice?" The first replies, "I choose to drink more."

You shouldn't have encouraged me yesterday if you didn't want me to drop everything and do more juiceposting.

2024-01-27

With great power

 

A person stands on a table with a manic expression and agitated body language, saying, "I'm here to fix everything!" A second person is sitting at the table, having lifted their steaming mug off the table, and staring frozen at the one on the table. The mug is printed with the words "OH NO". Bottom caption: "With great power comes the delusion that every problem can be solved with great power."
 

Just something to keep in mind if you ever happen to acquire great power.

2024-01-26

This is a message to you

 

Various birds bring compact discs in their beaks and talons to an exasperated and mystified person, who says, "I don't know what it means!" The bottom caption reads, "But the birds continued to bring me America Online CDs."

Did non-USians get anything like these in the mail in the 90s? They were, in one little patch of spacetime through which I traveled, inescapable.

(I could have redrawn this digitally, but at what cost? Anyway, if you need help decoding the handwriting, the accessibility text can help you.)

2024-01-24

Closetation

 

A person opens a closet door and cradles head in hand while looking inside, where multiple other doors appear on the walls. Bottom caption: So tired of my closets sprouting other closets. END

"The inspector says it's only slightly haunted," you said. "Think of the savings," you said.

2024-01-22

Giant onion

 

Seen from inside a house, the front door is open and night seen outside from behind a giant purple onion blocking most of the doorway. A stick figure looks alarmed and places hands on head in distress: "Giant onion? But we buried you!" The onion says, "Yes, but I am a versatile and ubiquitous ingredient". That's it. That's the whole thing.

I don't know what to tell you. This was apparently really funny to the version of me that was awake through the weeèst hours of the night, so much so in fact that that version of me threatened me with serious consequences if I didn't post it now, in the curdled light of day.

2024-01-17

He is doing fine

 

Stick figure in a huge jar wearing big over-ear headphones. Sign in front reads "Please don't break jar! He has plenty of air holes and is listening to lo-fi era Mountain Goats".
 

Classic case of "drew a stick figure in a jar & couldn't bear to let it go to waste".

2024-01-12

Regrettable creation

 

Headline: Scientists create duck with underbite Pull quote: "We shouldn't have done this. We're going to try to fix it," they say. Pictured: a stick figure with gigantic eyeglasses holds a disgruntled duck with a major underbite. Both person and duck look disappointed.
"We already feel bad, so no need to pile on," added Dr. Anatidaesian.

2024-01-11

Manfredo

 

A figure sits in the palm of a giant hand; in the background, even larger hands emerge from the ground and reach upward. Bottom caption: Manfredo Desjardins, superstar handscaper.

Look, they can't all be winners. But they CAN all not be winners.

2024-01-05

Say what

 

One of two facing stick figures at (presumably) a party (in a featureless void) is holding forth, saying, "Say what you will about saying what you will; at least I don't say what I won't." The other looks down at their drink, perplexed.

"First idea, best idea" can be true if you only have one idea.

2024-01-03

How would you say

 

Title above frame: (I used to be a linguist) Two stick figures sit across from each other at a table. One, looking at a notebook and using a recording device, says, "How would you say, 'I want to go to the party' in your language?" The other, looking almost offended, answers into the microphone, "I certainly would not."

(This is a pretty exciting answer to get when you're documenting a language.)
(Also, I'm with the native speaker on this one.)

2024-01-02

Reflection reflected

A person looks at their reflection in a puddle. "Is that really what I look like?" they ask, appearing a little disappointed or distraught. The reflection, or perhaps the puddle itself, says, "No, you don't seem nearly so wet."

 

No, I don't know where Grambo went. We're not panicking yet, but please let us know of any possible sightings.