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2024-09-14

Red and blue concern

 

Top caption: "Red Guy & Blue Guy are concerned." Pictured: three sets of Red Guy and Blue Guy, shapeshifting variously and looking disturbed, alarmed, disquieted, &c.

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2024-09-09

Shape of the cloud

 

Blue Guy, shaped like a fluffy cloud, floats wordlessly at the top of the frame. Red Guy, shaped like a cloud if a cloud could sit ponderously on the ground, says, "Though I change my shape to that of the cloud, I cannot float, for my heart is heavy."

Bummer.

CrustaceanSingles presents: Red Guy and Blue Guy, where the 'guy's are gender-neutral and the colors are an accident of birth, not a sign of political or sports affiliation. And they change shape! It's fun.

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2024-09-03

Pointy

 

Red Guy, blob-shaped: "You OK, Blue? You've gone all pointy." Blue Guy, shaped like a sharp-edged pyramid and with pointy teeth, says, "I am not to be trodden upon."

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2024-08-31

A thought

 

Red Guy: "I just had a thought." Blue Guy: "Yes, self-torment is inherent to consciousness."

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2024-08-27

High hopes

 

Red Guy, with an arm and hand extending from their head in a palm-forward, 'high five' position: "I don't need to be genuinely liked. I just need a decent high five." Blue Guy, mostly blob-shaped but with eyes on thick stalks: "Best I can do is 'genuinely liked'."

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2024-08-23

Tedious sadness

Top caption, as from an unseen narrator: There settled over them a tedious sadness. Red Guy and Blue Guy mope, looking deflated. Blue Guy remarks, "How I wish some entertaining tragedy would transpire!"

 

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2024-08-20

Redness

 

Red Guy, in blob form with one arm emerging from under the mouth and holding a glass of red liquid, says, "Time to drink the Juice That Turns Me Red!" Blue Guy, also in blobmode with one arm sprouting from next to their left eye, the hand placed pensively on the chin, says, "You are already red." Red Guy replies, "And Juice willing, I always will be."

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2024-08-17

Shaped like this

 

Red Guy, in a vaguely humanoid shape except that their lower half is more like a penguin's, says, "Ha! Can you imagine going through life shaped like this?" Blue Guy, whose upper half is also vaguely humanoid, bottom half is more spiderlike, and whose right arm is corkscrewed into an obscure gesture, adds, "It is burdensome to manage the limbs even when they are not in use."


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2024-08-15

Make an observation

 

Blue Guy has taken the form of a puddle with a serene, happy face. Red Guy looks down and says, "How perfectly tranquil?" Blue Guy says, "Make an observation". Red Guy extends an arm from the top of their head and pokes the surface of the Blue Guy puddle, which makes ripples and a PLOIP sound. Red Guy announces, "How perfectly tranquil!"

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2024-08-14

Howdy

 

Red Guy, who has morphed the top of their head into a cowboy hat, says, "Howdy" and adds "is short for 'How do you do?'" Blue guy, with an arm stretching from the top of their head to place a pensive finger on the chin, says, "I am more often asked 'Why do you do?'"

'Whydy' does not really work, though, huh?

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2024-08-12

Cheazy

 

Panel 1 of 4: A closeup of Red Guy's face, who says, "The snack." Panel 2 of 4: Now we see Red Guy and Blue Guy in the background. In the foreground, a bag of snack food labeled "Cheazy sustenance". Red guy looks sad and says, "It is too far." Blue guy looks blankly at Red Guy. Panel 3 of 4: Blue Guy, still blank-faced, grows an arm above the right eye and extends it into the foreground, grabbing the snacks with a YOINK. Panel 4 of 4: Red Guy (who suddenly has two little arms and holds the bag with one while eating with the other) leans towards Blue Guy and asks, "What have I done to deserve your love?" Blue Guy smiles very slightly.

"Deserve"? What an absurd notion.

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2024-08-10

Red & Blue

 

Top caption: Oh, hey! It's Red* Guy** & Blue Guy! The asterisks lead to two notes: *unrelated to common political or sports colors; **used in the gender-neutral sense. Continued caption: What do they do? This is followed by the image of two blobs, one red and one blue, with two googly eyes and a mouth. The red one answers the caption question: "Maybe we mind our own business."

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2024-08-07

Atmospheric worry

 

Cartoonish clouds float in the sky. Most have benign facial expressions except for the one in the foreground, who appears worried. "Still, the feeling of being late for something lingered."

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2024-08-04

Some time later

 

Panel 1 of 2: A smiling stick figure sits at a desk in front of an open notebook with entirely blank pages. "Once I take the pressure off, the ideas will come!" Panel 2 of 2: The image is unchanged except that the person is now a slumped skeleton, and the pen has moved slightly where it rested on the notebook. The pages are unturned and still blank.

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2024-07-31

Frightening

 

A gigantic blob monster with many eyes, six arthropod-like legs, and two human-like arms below its sharp-toothed mouth asks a little human, "Do I frighten you?" The human replies, "Everything does. You're not special."

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2024-07-30

Slowing down

 

A tired person lies on their back on the floor and speaks the text of this post, repeated below for your convenience: "Dear readers, I am slowing down lately beyond the strength of my denial to ignore, and the daily schedule I've kept for about 99% of the last thirteen years has become untenable. Naturally I am riddled with worries over The Future &c. plus a compulsion to immediately define the new terms of my self-imposed life sentence in the cartoon mines, but for now all I can say is that it's going to be more than weekly and less than daily for the foreseeable future. The good news is that the full archives are right there on CrustaceanSingles.com (more navigable on the desktop view, BTW) with 4762 posts to binge. The early years are rough, but some of them still have a certain scruffy charm. I apologize in advance for the handwriting. To reiterate: I'm not going away. I am slowing down for a while. Read my old stuff if you find yourself jonesing. Thank you for being here."

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2024-07-28

Try elsewhere

 

A tiny desert island with a single palm tree also has a posted sign, bigger than the tree, reading "No castaways".

The thought process for this one went something like: "I have no ideas." "Then do something hackneyed. Try a castaway gag." "No." And there it was.

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2024-07-26

After all this time

 

A person in the foreground puts a shovel into soil; behind them, a trail of thirteen deep holes already dug. Top caption: "I thought I would be better at this by now." At the bottom, the usual attribution has been replaced with "CrustaceanSingles is 13 today".

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2024-07-25

You know why

 

A person stands with their head facing approximately three-quarters toward the reader, except that one eye and the part of the head around it has stretched over to the side, about twice as far apart from the other eye as it would have been in a more typical position. The facial expression is bothered, perhaps judgmental. "You are receiving the Side Eye."

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2024-07-24

Grift cat

 

A person holds a cat in the crook of one arm and looks down at said cat with a large smile. "I think that meeting went well. You were very believable as a wealthy scion."

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2024-07-23

I am learnèd

 

Top caption: "Pain teaches all about time"; illustration: stick figure stands a little hunched as the center of a sundial, casting a long shadow across it; bottom caption: "but what a useless lesson".

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2024-07-22

It is time

 

A gecko peers over an edge and says, "It is time to pay the lizard."

Oh, did you "forget"?

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2024-07-21

Out there

 

A human astronaut floats in space and faces two indeterminate forms, perhaps the tentacular limbs of some alien or individual heads on long necks. Caption: "Sometimes the great big universe gets so lonesome / that you start to wish for monsters".
and hope that they are out there wishing for you

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2024-07-19

Too tiny

 

Image of a tiny ant. Top caption: "too tiny to be noticed"; bottom caption: "not too tiny to be crushed".

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2024-07-18

Who would have thunk

 

A stick figure with exaggeratedly long limbs says, "As unlikely as it seems, / I am a type of person that can be".

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2024-07-17

Used to

 

A closeup of a the top of a person's head, from the eyes up, thinking: "I used to think clearly. / Well... / I used to think I was thinking clearly."

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2024-07-16

Withheld

 

A bald figure with an unkempt beard and wild stare holds a sign that formerly read "The end is near"; the final word has been crossed out and replaced with "being withheld as punishment".
 

This is probably doctrinal to some real group out there, huh?

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2024-07-15

Noise

 

Person 1, having adopted a stance of peevish delight in anticipation of doing something annoying: "Can I interest you in a profoundly obnoxious noise?" Person 2, arms folded: "I am uninterested and I will hear nothing more of the matter."

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2024-07-14

Taste

 

Person 1: How's that sandwich? Person 2, holding up said sandwich with a giant bite taken out of it: Heartbreaking! You *must* have a taste.

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2024-07-13

Beyond our mortal ken

 

Person 1, about to open a door: "Are you prepared to behold a sight so utterly beyond our mortal ken that it will drive you irrevocably to madness?" Person 2, thinking about it: "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

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2024-07-12

Grasp

 

An alien life form with a vaguely insectlike head, six-eyed on a long neck and two main limbs, outstretched and somewhat reminiscent of coral, says to a human stick figure "I would like to grasp your forelimbs." The human thinks about this and says, "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

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2024-07-11

Compelling

 

Person 1, extending a glass jar: "Want to smell something compelling?" Person 2, contemplative: "I'm not uninterested, but I require more information first."

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2024-07-10

Art life

 

Person 1, cheerfully standing over a second person who lies on their back on the floor among crumpled and ripped pieces of paper: "How's the art life?" Person 2: "I pay myself in exposure, and I do not pay well."

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2024-07-09

Task could not be completed

 

Panel 1 of 2: seen from behind and over the shoulder, a person holds a "to do" list with one task: "Relax!" Panel 2 of 2: seen from the front, the same person holds the paper with a look of disquiet. Sweat drops form across their forehead.

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2024-07-08

Science drink

 

Pictured: a scientist wearing giant round glasses and a lab coat, pensively holding a beaker of pale green liquid from which they have just sipped. The scientist thinks, "Nice flavor...no monstrosification... / Well, so far."

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2024-07-07

What am I doing and why?

 

A person in a tree costume says, "Can we talk about my motivation in this scene?"

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2024-07-06

I hope you're ready

 

A person wears a banjo on a strap, about to play, and says "I hope you're ready to feel something."

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2024-07-05

Myrmecomeditation

 

Two ants scout among rocks and plants. Text says "Always careful. / Never worried."

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2024-07-04

Oh no, continued

 

Pictured: fireworks against a dark sky; in the middle of ordinary colorful explosions, the words "OH NO" are spelled out in pyrotechnics.

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2024-07-03

A terrible mistake

 

Fish 1: I have made a terrible mistake. Fish 2: What did you do? Fish 1: Not sure, but just look at me. Look at my life.

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2024-07-02

A message

A scroll is unrolled, revealing upon its surface a drawing of an angry stick figure pointing at an upheld scroll bearing the word "Unsubscribe" in pseudo-calligraphy.

Release me from the torment of your unceasing epistles.

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2024-07-01

Stop

A bird carries a sign that reads "Stop stealing my signs".

 

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2024-06-30

Growth

 

A seedling cactus in a featureless expanse with washed-out colors. "I will not be pursuing growth until conditions improve."

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2024-06-29

Might be neat

 

Top caption: "Snakes with beaks:"; illustration: a snake with a beak; bottom caption: "Get on it, evolution!"

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2024-06-28

Identifying

 

A seabird asks a person floating on the ocean in a little pool floaty tube, "Are you the beast upon the waters?" The person says, "I am not representative of aquatic life."

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2024-06-27

Commune with nature

 

A person who has just emerged from a tent says, "Time to commune with nature!" A butterfly says, "Hey, thanks for the microplastics, jerk!" A bee asks, "That was *this* guy‽"

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2024-06-26

I tried

 

Person looking hopefully upward: I tried really hard today, / & the results were indistinguishable from not trying at all, to an outside observer, / but one of these days I really am going to get someone to go into my basement".

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2024-06-24

Mind changing

 

Top caption: The thrilling conclusion to "I have to get out of here", panel 1 of 4: / The panel shows the shovel-user, still sitting on the log, projects outward calm while saying, "I think—and I am furious about this—you are right." Bottom caption: See the rest on ko-fi.com/CrustaceanSingles .
 

I've just added one more four-panel entry to "I have to get out of here" to the yesterday's megapost on ko-fi.com/CrustaceanSingles. Here's the first of the four final panels, which I hope will interest you enough to follow a linkto a second location.

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2024-06-23

Catching up on getting out of here

 

Image of a shovel with the title "I have to get out of here".
 

For the dozen of you who were following the "I have to get out of here" story, this post starts at the beginning and catches up on the story I didn't post from 2024-06-19 to -23. Then there are several words I wrote about it all.

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2024-06-19

A break

 

I'm going to take a few days off. Posting a comic every day has been a big part of my whole deal for a very long time (thirteen years at the end of the next month) but it's a self-imposed rule. I'm not in trouble at all. Maybe I will even manage to convince myself of this. See you in a few days. Saturday, maybe.

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2024-06-18

Need to not

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the person who dug a hole and fell into a chasm and dug into the cavern floor and found a hatch there and went down the hatch and fell from a cloud and landed in an ephemeral pond next to Grambo now replies to Grambo: "I'm happy for you. Truly. / Me, though...wherever I am, I need to not. / I can't wait weeks to keep digging. Guess I better start running."

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2024-06-17

How do you know

In continuation from yesterday's comic, Grambo addresses the person who fell out of the sky with a shovel and immediately tried to dig a hole in the body of water in which both characters stand: "How do you know you have to get out of here?" (The other holds their shovel and frowns at it.) "For the record, this is one of my favorite places in the world. An ephemeral pond."

 

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2024-06-16

As below, so above

 

This continuation from past days' comics takes the form of two vertical panels. First, on the left, in a sequence of three motions from the top down, the person who fell from the sky grabs their shovel and begins to dig at the water, which is of course futile, while saying "I have / to get out / of here". On the right, Grambo has straightened somewhat and says with a concerned face, "This, however, I don't think I can endorse."

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2024-06-15

Splash

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the unnamed person falling from the sky is just landing with a huge splash in a body of water of uncertain breadth or depth. Their shovel lands just ahead of them with a "SPLIP!" Nearby, Grambo (whose head and shoulders are sticking out of the water) says, "That's the spirit!"

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2024-06-14

Descent

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the unnamed person has stepped down through the hatch marked EXIT, which is seen above superimposed on the bottom of a cloud. The person is falling feet first; next to them falls the shovel.

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2024-06-13

Advice

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the person who dug into the floor of the cavern to unearth a hatch with a handle and the word EXIT now kneels next to said hatch and puts a hand on the handle. "Got any advice?" they ask the other person in the cavern. The other replies, "Don't take my advice," before adding, "I'm the version that's stuck here." Another silence, and then, "I hope it goes better for you."

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2024-06-12

Exit

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the person digging at the floor of the cavern has unearthed the source of the CLANG sound: a hatch in the floor with a handle and the single word "EXIT".

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2024-06-11

Clang

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the person who dug a deep hole and fell into a cavern and met a person who is possibly themself has picked up their shovel and begun to dig into the floor of the cavern. But now, after only a few shovel strokes, the shovel hits something that goes CLANG!

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2024-06-10

In that case,

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, today's is in three panels. Panel 1 of 3: the person who has fallen into the cavern and sat up on its floor now leans forward to pick up the shovel they dropped before falling. The person says, "Well,". Panel 2 of 3: The same person leans on the shovel to pull themself upright. They say, "OK." Panel 3 of 3: a full-width view of the scene in which the person with the shovel is now digging into the floor of the cavern while the other person, who was already in the cavern when the former fell, looks on astonished consternation.

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2024-06-09

You always do this

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the person who fell into the cavern has sat up on the floor and listens to the one who was already in the cavern: "We— you always do this. / 'I have to get out of here!' / And then you panic, and then sooner or later you end up here. / And then you have to get out of here."

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2024-06-08

Again?

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the person who was digging the hole has now fallen down the fissure that opened up beneath it and finds themself in a cavern with an uneven but smooth floor. The shovel they dropped is there. A red glow lights the walls but the source is unseen. Another person stands over them with folded arms and says, "Oh. You again."

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2024-06-07

A fissure appears

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, the cracking sound is the start of a wide fissure opening up directly beneath the hole the person was digging. The person leaps up against the wall in alarm. The enormous worm that was poking its head into the hole retreats, calling, "Good luck!" From the fissure below, red light glows and a voice shouts, "Hey! Who's dropping shovels‽"

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2024-06-06

Too late, topsider

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, a person stands in a deep hole they dug, facing an unusually large worm emerging into the hole. A tremendous CRACK sounds and the worm tells the person, "Well, you *had* to get out of here."

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2024-06-05

Topsider down

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, an unusually large worm sticks its head into the deep hole in which the person holding a shovel is standing. The worm tells the person, "Hey. Topsider. You have to get out of here."

I know that. How do you know that?

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2024-06-04

Down and out

 

In continuation from yesterday's comic, a person has dug themself into a deep hole, with the undug portions shown in cross-section, the only interesting detail from which is a worm poking its head into the dug portion and saying, "Heck?" At the bottom, the person stands with their shovel and thinks, "I have to get out of here."


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2024-06-03

Urgently

 

A person approaches behind another who is digging a hole with a shovel in a wide, flat expanse of short grass. "What are you doing?" asks the former. "I have to get out of here," replies the latter.

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2024-06-02

Fine. Good.

 

A smiling sun looks down on a grouchy stick figure and says, "I don't like you either!"

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2024-06-01

Don't

 

A happy bright sun in a clear sky says, "Beautiful morning!" A person standing on the ground looks up with folded arms and an irritated expression and says, "You're not allowed to talk to me."

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2024-05-31

Something completely else

 

A fluffy cloud in a very slightly bird shape says "I wanted to become something completely else / Not just vaguely shaped like it".

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2024-05-30

Ephemerality

 

A cloud with a face says, "I don't want to be here. / And soon enough, I wont be."

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2024-05-29

Cloud thoughts

 

Pictured: clouds in a blue sky, two in the upper left background and one in the foreground. All have faces. The one in the foreground also has a thought bubble which reads, "Whoa. I bet my thoughts look like little versions of *me*."

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2024-05-28

Deliberateness

Person looks defiantly up at a cloud and says, "I'm immune to criticism because I'm doing it wrong on purpose!" The cloud looks down grumpily.

 

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2024-05-27

Recollection

 

A person calls up at a cloud, "Hey, cloud! Remember me?" The cloud replies, "I share the memory of all water. But you in particular? I got nothing."

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2024-05-26

Life plans

 

Person 1: You don't want to die a jaded, bitter husk! Person 2: No, I want to *live* a jaded, bitter husk.

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2024-05-25

Distances

A little stick figure peers over the edge of a cloud and says, "It's a long way down." The cloud replies, "Long way up, too."

 

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2024-05-24

Immediate environs

 

Three tiny clouds float in the vicinity of a surprised person's head. The two clouds on their left side are raining tinily. One of the clouds says, "Nice microclimate you've got here."

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2024-05-23

That which transpires below

One cloud, contorted in disgust and horror, shouts, "AAAAAHHHHHHH!" Another, concerned, asks, "Whoa, what's wrong?" The first replies, "I just noticed what they're doing down there."

 

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2024-05-22

Please direct me

 

A large fluffy cloud with heavy greyness has stuffed one descending tendril into a trenchcoat and formed approximate arms and legs. The cloud has a face, which is placed way too high for its intended disguise. The cloud says, "Hello. I am looking for parade. I love to go to parade. For watching."

I am allowed to know the location. I am allowed to go to parade.

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2024-05-21

Eyes in the skies

 

From a looming cloud, a giant hand made of cloud emerges and points downward with its index finger. On the tip of the finger is an angry face that says, "I saw that".

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2024-05-20

Nothing good can come of this

 

Fluffy clouds hang in a still sky. Their surfaces contain lines that could be part of their shapes or could represent serene, satisfied faces with closed eyes. Bottom text: The clouds are so peaceful today. / What are they plotting? END

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2024-05-19

Buy it!

 

Two children play with large, cartoony cloud action figures. The clouds have faces that sort of glare. One kid makes the cloud say "You're doing it wrong!" and the other makes the other cloud reply "No, you're doing it wrong!" Bottom text reveals the image to be an advertisement: MEGA CLOUD ACTION PLAYSET / Sky sold separately. END

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2024-05-18

The forecast

 

A sky with fluffy clouds, each of which is partial as though cut in half, with the inside visible in slightly swirling cross section. Caption: Partly cloudy.

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2024-05-17

Cloud cover

 

Illustration: A person sits in the basket of a hot air balloon disguised as a cloud. The balloon floats among real clouds. The person writes in a notebook. Bottom caption: Mere days into the study, I believe the herd has accepted me as one of their own.

Though I do worry about the awkwardness to come when everyone else starts raining.

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2024-05-16

Huh

 

Person 1, pointing: Is that a question mark hovering over your head? Person 2, slumped and looking confused: Yeah. I don't get it.
 

Keep in mind that your booing will only make me stronger.

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