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2023-03-31

Bad dream

 

Panel 1 of 3, taking place in a thought cloud: a stick figure sits at a desk with a pen and paper and says, "Time to think of something funny." Panel 2 of 3: it was only a dream. The kid who dreamed it awakes and clutches head in hands and screams, "AHHHHH". Panel 3 of 3: Still in the dark bedroom. One parent with hand on the kid's shoulder and says, "It's only a bad dream." Another parent leans over the bed and adds, "You don't have to be a cartoonist when you grow up."

Some fates are easily avoidable.

(Patrons of the CrustaceanSingles Patreon got to see a very rough draft of this one two days ago. Must be nice, huh?)

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2023-03-30

Please inquire

A vacantly smiling stick figure wears a T-shirt with printed text reading "Ask me about my insatiable need to trap strangers in interminable conversations".

 

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2023-03-29

Skill issue

 

One spider stands astride multiple chaotic strands of web and says, "What a tangled web we weave". Another spider dangles defeatedly from another strand of the chaotic mess of filament and says, "Yes. We are not good at webs."

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2023-03-28

Please, bro

 

Pictured: a scene in a coral reef. From one outcropping of coral hangs a sign reading "Please don't high-five the hand squid." A squid with a hand-shaped mantle says, "Come on, bro. Don't leave me hangin'."

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2023-03-27

In search of frustration

 

Panel 1 of 2: a smiling stick figure thinks, "I'd like to be more frustrated with everything and everyone." Panel 2 of 2: "I should become an expert on something!"

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2023-03-26

Divisive poetry

 

Pictured: a single rod-shaped bacterium holds a pen in one of its flagella and writes on a sheet of paper, with the words of the in-progress poem magnified for the reader: "anyone lived in a pretty how biofilm / (with up so floating many nutrients) / lag division replication quiescence / it signaled its didn't it divided its did". The bottom caption is the author's name: "e. e. coli".

They're going to take away my poetic license for this one.

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2023-03-25

I will not fight

 

A stick figure stands with folded arms and a look of consternated exasperation. "I'm not going to fight you. I can't handle secondhand embarrassment."

Telling prospective foes your greatest weakness is a real power move.

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